Part I: Packing It in at Age 21

I turned to the easiest and most used resource to find out information: the internet. I wanted to understand why women of a certain age are invisible. So, like any good researcher, I typed in the key words of “women” and “age.” Here’s what I found (in order of the results):

• The Wall Street Journal published an article about how women and men age differently.  Good news, Ladies, we live longer than men.  Or is it?  We have stronger immunity, and better heart and brain health compared to men.  We don’t know why this is the case.  Until recently, women have been left out of age-related studies.  Further, more research dollars go to men compared to women.  Here’s another bit of information from the article, men develop more laugh lines, while women get more frown lines. 
• METRO published an article entitled, “Men, regardless of their age, will always be attracted to women in their early 20s.” According to the research, no matter how old a man gets, they are forever attracted to women who are 20-years-old.  Women, on the other hand, find men of a similar age most attractive.
• Note: Do NOT go on Quora.com, which claims “to become the best possible resource for people who want to know about that question.” The question I asked was, “What age do women start losing their beauty/looks?” Anonymous wants you to know that “some women lose their beauty at 20-22 years old,” “a woman will probably never look better than she was at the age of 22,” “other women preserve their looks into their early 30s, but it is still a decline,” and “they [women] are bitter, jaded, they have that sinister look in their eyes…they are burnt out and basically empty husks devoid of soul.”  Another Anonymous says, “when they reach 35, although some women with good genes and following a strict anti-aging regiment can maintain it till 45. But after that, nothing much can be done.” He implores us to understand “no matter what you do you will never look as good in your 40s & 50s as you did in your 20s and younger girls will eventually steal away your limelight.” Finally, Sisters, “ignore PC answers like ‘beauty comes from within’ or ‘some women look prettier as they get older.’ These are nothing but coping mechanisms.” I told you not to look at Quora for answers.

It is worth noting these results focused on what men thought about aging women. So, men get to tell the stories of women and how we should feel about age and aging. No wonder women seek cosmetic surgeries like breast augmentation, liposuction, facelifts, etc. and minimally-invasive procedures like Botox, fillers, chemical peels, and so on to feel better about our looks. In fact, in 2019, 92% of all cosmetic procedures were performed on women. No wonder Kylie Jenner is the youngest billionaire for selling cosmetics. That’s a lot of make-up. In the U.S., we spend $49.2 billion dollars on cosmetics.

My next search used the terms “women” and “aging.” The results were more “hopeful,” and did not focus on what men thought about women growing old. The first result was a scholarly book titled, Women and Aging: Transcending the Myths. However, it was published over twenty years ago. Other significant findings included the “most beautiful age of a woman is 38.9 years.” While this answer is still a long distance from 50, it’s better than early 20s. Additionally, there were a number of results focusing on women outliving men, as well as women of a certain age owning their power and their stories.

Many people around me, including my husband, daughters and son, my hairstylist, a young woman who works at the Trader Joe’s in La Mesa, my general practitioner, one of my workout buddies at Crossfit La Mesa, and many women my age, worry about my obsession with the plight (yes, it’s meant to be dramatic) of middle-aged women. Listen, there have been thousands of years of women maligned and killed for our power. Beginning with Eve, the witch trials, and now the internet and popular culture telling us how we should act, behave, and live–don’t be speak up, don’t wear those shorts, don’t raise your hand in class, get breast implants, and don’t age because if you do then go away.

Historically, strong and independent women have been a threat. All across Europe and the U.S., witches were burned at the stake for cavorting with the devil. It now seems that it wasn’t practicing witchcraft, which was a felony, but rather these women owned their own property. Don’t you see? Powerful and wise women, those of us who don’t give a shit about what eye shadow to wear or how big our breasts are or how tiny our waists are or those who wear whatever we want, who speak up, and who don’t give a flying fornication about what society tells us to care about or how to act, to be, or how to live.

Listen, middle-aged sisters, this is our time. Let’s take back our power.

Part II-Packing It in at the Age of 21 will focus on call-to-action items that all of us can do to change the story others tell about us.